A Foundation for a Healthy Marriage

by Stephen F. Duncan and Sara S. McCarty Zasukha - Foundational Processes for an Enduring, Healthy Marriage

Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other.

Scripture:  Moroni 10:32

The Lord Jesus Christ is the focal point in a covenant marriage relationship.  Please notice how the Savior is positioned at the apex of this triangle, with a woman at the base of one corner and a man at the base of the other corner.  Now consider what happens in the relationship between the man and the woman as they individually and steadily “come unto Christ” and strive to be “perfected in Him”.   Because of and through the Redeemer, the man and woman come closer together.

“Successful covenant marriages are founded on the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ and tied to our discipleship.”  Elder David A. Bednar

Discuss how the following processes can draw each person closer to the Savior and each other:

Intentional Personal Dedication

• Be personally and intentionally dedicated to following the Savior   

• Commit to sacrifice for and organize one’s life around the spouse

• Be willing to change any and all behaviors/attitudes for the good of the relationship

o   Learn to resolve differences in a more healthy way

o   Overcome tendencies if impatience

o   Moderating unrealistic expectations

o   Spend and evening alone each week

o   Resolve personal problems.

Quote:  “One of the basic ways for a person to have a good marriage is to be a good person.”  Blaine Flowers—marriage scholar

Couples should each strive for individual improvement and actively develop the virtues that are especially beneficial to marriage.

• Being more tolerant and accepting of imperfection 

• Being fair 

• Being more patient, courteous, kind, and generous.

“An eternal bond doesn’t just happen as a result of sealing covenants we make in the temple. How we conduct ourselves in this life will determine what we will be in all the eternities to come.  To receive the blessings of the sealing that our Heavenly Father has given to us, we have to keep the commandments and conduct ourselves in such a way that our families will want to live with us in the eternities.”  Elder Robert D. Hales

Exclusive Cleaving and Unity

Scripture:  D&C 42:22

The words “none else” eliminate everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes preeminent in the life of the husband or wife, and neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse.  President Spencer W. Kimball

At the creation of man and woman, unity for them in marriage was not given as hope; it was a command!  Our Heavenly Father wants our hearts to be knit together.  That union in love is not simply an ideal.  It is a necessity.  President Henry B. Eyring

Practice Spiritual Patterns

“When a husband and wife to together frequently to the holy temple, kneel in prayer together in their home with their family, go hand in hand to their religious meetings, keep their lives wholly chaste—mentally and physically—so that their whole thoughts and desires and loves are all centered in the one being, their companion, and both work together for the upbuilding of the kingdom of God, then happiness is at its pinnacle.”  President Spencer W. Kimball

Couples who practice their faith together generally

• Have less conflict

• Are more likely to reach a mutually satisfying resolution if there is a conflict

• Are more likely to remain committed to each other and the marriage when conflict does occur

Object Lesson:  Obtain 12 large nails.  Nail one into a block of wood until it is secure (about ¼” or so).  The goal is to balance all the other nails on the head of that one nail.  Have family member(s) try.  (Answer: Lay one nail down on the table.  Lay the rest of the nails down on top, one at a time alternating which direction the nail goes.  The last nail rests on top with the head on the opposite side as the one on the bottom.  Lift them up and balance them on the nail in the block of wood.)  As you “knit” the nails together, each nail could represent something that each person can do to strengthen the marriage.  The top and bottom nail can represent the Savior.

Conclusion:

Set a goal in one of these three areas to strengthen your covenant marriage relationship—Personal Dedication, Exclusive Cleaving and Unity, or Practicing Spiritual Patterns.

Adapting to Children and Youth

Sing “The Wise Man and the Foolish Man”

Discuss the importance of a solid foundation.  Our foundation should be based on the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Using the Covenant Relationship Triangle, adapt it to children’s needs.  Siblings could be on the corners and as they try to draw closer, they will see that their relationship with their sibling becomes closer, too.

Object Lesson:  Have children give examples of things they can do to strengthen and help each other in the family.

Discuss how traits listed in the “Personal Dedication” section can help them as they prepare for marriage someday.