Prayer Strengthens Marriage

by Nathan M. Lambert - Sanctification and Cooperation: How Prayer Helps Strengthen Relationships in Good Times and Heal Relationships in Bad Times

Successful marriages. . . are established and maintained on principles of . . . prayer.

On President Monson’s wedding day, the sealer gave him the following counsel:

“May I offer you newlyweds a formula which will ensure that any disagreement you may have will last no longer than one day?  Every night kneel by the side of your bed.  One night, Brother Monson, you offer the prayer aloud, on bended knee.  The next night you, Sister Monson, offer the prayer, aloud, on bended knee.  I can then assure you that any misunderstanding that develops during the day will vanish as you pray.  You simply can’t pray together and retain any but the best of feelings toward one another.”

“Drawing on the powers of heaven through prayer is a powerful resource available to couples that can make a good relationship better and can heal a faltering marriage.”

Marriage is Sacred

“When people think that something is sacred, they treat it differently.”  Even people who consider their employment more of a “calling” than a “job” report missing fewer days of work.  Those who treat their bodies like they are sacred tend to put more emphasis on being physically healthy and in shape.

Refer to talk by F. Burton Howard found here: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2003/04/eternal-marriage?lang=eng

Studies show that those who view their marriage as sacred

·         Have greater marital adjustment
·         Perceive to have more benefits from marriage
·         Experience fewer communication problems
·         Have less overall conflict
·         Have enhanced fidelity

How can we view our marriage as sacred?  The best way is to include God in your marriage.  Prayer is the means by which individuals may invite God to play an active role in their relationship.

Think About This:  An empirically tested experiment had one group of randomly chosen religious individuals pray for their romantic partner every day for four weeks or to complete a control activity such as thinking positive thoughts about their partner every day.  Those who prayed for their partner came to perceive their relationship as more holy and sacred than those in the control group.

Matthew 26:41 – “. . . watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

Prayer can help us view our marriage as sacred, which can be a protection against certain challenges such as infidelity that can destroy marriage. 

There are two goals in any relationship—Cooperative Goals and Emergent Goals

Cooperative Goals – Reflect a win-win mentality in which couples are actively helping each other to succeed.

Emergent Goals – Reflect a win-lose mentality and commonly surface during times of conflict.

When problems occur in marriage, spouses can find themselves focusing on getting their own way or at least not losing the argument to the other person.  Prayer can transform emergent goals into cooperative goals.

“Good communication is also enhanced by prayer.  To pray with specific mention of a spouse’s good deed (or need) nurtures a marriage.”  Elder Russell M. Nelson

Similar to the research study mentioned before, other studies who have had one group pray for the well-being of their spouse while the control group only thinks positive thoughts found that the praying group:

·         Was less vengeful when the spouse made a mistake
·         Was more forgiving
·         Cooperated more often

Inviting God into the relationship through prayer can alleviate anger and restore harmony and cooperative goals to a relationship.  When contention occurs, prayer can heal hearts and unite couples in love and harmony.

Commit to saying prayers together as a couple each night as President Monson was taught.  When conflicts arise, experiment with praying for your spouse and see if problems can be solved and feelings of love and understanding can safeguard your marriage.

Adapting to Children and Youth

Object lesson:  Show a piece of rope or string.  Show a single knot in the rope.  Can anyone tie a knot like this in the rope by taking the rope by both ends and not letting go with either hand?  (They will try all sorts of ways, but will be unable to do it).  Show them how by folding your arms.  Then pick up one end of the rope with each hand.  Unfold your arms while holding on to both ends and as you pull the ends through, a knot will be formed.  This is the only way you can accomplish this task.  What are folded arms a symbol of?  What can we learn from this example about prayer?  (The best way to solve a problem is through prayer).