"We warn that individuals who. . . abuse spouse or offspring. . . will one day stand accountable before God.
"I have in my office a file of letters received from women who cry over the treatment they receive from their husbands in their homes. They . . . tell of husbands who lose their tempers and shout at their wives and children. They tell of men who demand offensive intimate relations. They tell of men who demean them and put them down and of fathers who seem to know little of the meaning of patience and forbearance with reference to their children." President Gordon B. Hinckley
What is abuse? Actions or attitudes that are intended to hurt or control. "Abuse is the physical, emotional, sexual, or spiritual mistreatment of others. It may not only harm the body, but it can deeply affect the mind and spirit, destroying faith and causing confusion, doubt, mistrust, guilt, and fear" (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1995).
Elder Richard G. Scott said, "Moral agency is at the center of God's plan of happiness." The Savior taught that those who use their agency to abuse others, however, will suffer: "Whoso shall offend one of these little ones. . ., it were better for hi that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea." To those who abuse, Elder Scott emphasized the importance of taking responsibility for overcoming abusive behavior and seeking professional help.
How to Recognize Abuse
- An individual shows fear at times when it would not be expected
- An individual may be isolated a lot
- An individual may not be able to participate in activities
- They may be closely monitored by the spouse
- Abrupt change in behavior
- Bruises or other injuries
- Usually, there are many signs, not just one
Reasons Abuse Occurs
- A learned behavior pattern
- A biochemical imbalance or medical problem
- Drugs or alcohol
Can Abusers Change
If a person genuinely wants to change and if they seek appropriate help and put forth the required effort, they can be successful. No one should say, “Well, this is just the way I am.” It may take action by a Church disciplinary council because disciplinary councils are set up to help people repent and change. Through sincere, sustained effort on their part and by the Savior’s atoning power, they can receive a mighty change of heart, repent, and be forgiven.
Abusers need to know their behavior is a choice. Every time they hit someone, every time they slam a door in someone’s face, they’ve made a choice to do that and they need to take responsibility for their actions.
Of the many resources we have for dealing with the problem of abuse, the greatest resources are gospel teachings and our Church leaders, with their commitment to help us strengthen our families.
How to Prevent Child Abuse
- Provide prevention-oriented material to children
- Present simple, developmentally appropriate information
- Equip the child with tools so he/she can be proactive and competent, rather than fearful
- Define good touch versus bad touch
- Encourage children to talk to trusted adults about bad touch and discuss strategies to handle such situations
Watch: http://www.mormonchannel.org/family-conversations?v=2065859422001 for helpful suggestions on how to start the conversation about intimacy and our bodies with young children.
Healing From Abuse
It is possible to recover from abuse and the process of healing can be facilitated with the help from mental health professionals, family members, friends, and church leaders. Treatment can be effective even after long periods of abuse, but early treatment is preferred. The first step is always to ensure that the person is in a safe environment.
Symptoms of abuse need to be diagnosed which are similar to post traumatic stress disorder or acute stress disorder. These symptoms can overlap with others such as:
Healing From Abuse
It is possible to recover from abuse and the process of healing can be facilitated with the help from mental health professionals, family members, friends, and church leaders. Treatment can be effective even after long periods of abuse, but early treatment is preferred. The first step is always to ensure that the person is in a safe environment.
Symptoms of abuse need to be diagnosed which are similar to post traumatic stress disorder or acute stress disorder. These symptoms can overlap with others such as:
- bipolar disorder, hypomania
- sleep disorders
- anxiety
- oppositional-defiant disorder, aggression
Individual treatment includes:
- cognitive restructuring
- relaxation skills
- self-esteem building
- problem solving
Group therapy usually includes:
- social skills training
- sharing experiences
- anger management
Elder Richard G. Scott urged victims of abuse to study the Atonement, exercise faith in Christ's power to heal, and begin to place the burden on Him. He said that damaged abilities to form close, trusting relationships can be overcome in the realization of our divine nature and through the love and support of loved ones and trusted leaders. He also urged those who suffer from abuse to find courage to seek help.
Adapting to Children and Youth
- When two people are dating, they should watch carefully how the potential marriage partner reacts to children, other family members, pets, frustrations, and so forth. These actions often reflect the way a person will treat the spouse or other family members.
- In a general sense, youth need to be taught correct principles on which to base their relationships with others, and they need positive role models to emulate. Caring priesthood and auxiliary leaders can help in this process.
- If a couple is worthily married in the temple after becoming best friends over time, that greatly increases their chances for a marriage that is free from abuse.
- It is important to learn to effectively communicate and problem-solve because most abusers do not know how to solve problems. It is never acceptable to hit, belittle, or otherwise try to control a spouse in an attempt to solve a problem.
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