Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God, and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live.
The First Presidency issued a call to parents "to devote their best efforts to the teaching and rearing of their children in gospel principles which will keep them close to the Church. The home is the basis of a righteous life, and no other instrumentality can take its place or fulfill its essential functions in carrying forward this God-given responsibility."
At the time the Proclamation was given, there was a new controversy regarding parental influence emerging. Social scientists debated whether parents had any influence on their children and advocated the belief that DNA and peer group pressure were the primary determinants of how the child turned out. Many researchers and parents, when facing complex behaviors in children, are tempted to believe a child "was born that way". This kind of thinking may lead parents to feel less pressure to teach and guide their children in the way they need to go and can actually encourage parents to affirm emerging behavior with dangerous consequences.
Some experts claim that parents can be "good enough" and children will develop normally and become themselves no matter how effective the parents were. This is contradictory to The Proclamation which outlines specifically what parents need to do to be successful and happy. It is clear--The Details Matter!
Environment for Effective Parenting
Authoritative parenting creates the optimal balance of high warmth and high expectations which lead youth and children to be most receptive of parental influence.
Activity: Show kernels of popcorn unpopped and popped. Read this poem:
The first time you notice me, you'll have to admit,
I have a outside hard as grit.
No amount of force or pressure
can make me change to something better.
But, it by a gentle flame I'm basted,
I'll change into the best eating popcorn you've ever tasted!
People are like popcorn, too,
with an outside shell that is hard to get through.
But, if you take the time to care,
you'll discover the potential hidden there.
Through unselfish service you can help others grow
by taking the tie to let your love show.
by Joan Salgy
Elder Robert D. Hales said, "The key to strengthening our families is having the Spirit of the Lord come into our homes." Authoritative parenting creates an interactional climate that invites the Spirit of the Lord into the home and promotes the most positive parent-child relationships.
Discipline: The primary goal of teaching children is to help them internalize the reasons they should behave appropriately rather than to behave solely to avoid punishment. Research indicates that "physical punishment does not promote long-term, internalized compliance".
Parents need to abandon coercive (domineering, arbitrary) and permissive parenting and use "confrontive discipline" which involves "firm, direct, forceful, and consistent" responses to children's behavior.
Stages of Development
From birth to age eight, children are most receptive to learning obedience. If Mom and Dad tell them stories exemplifying moral behavior, they will identify with and reflect the actions of the heroes.
From age eight to twelve, children feel most comfortable following rules. It is a good time for parents to teach them to do chores, take responsibility, and memorize the Ten Commandments and other scriptures.
After age 12, young people search for meanings, reasons, and principles. This is the time for parents to discuss things with them in depth, while allowing them to reason for themselves.
Parenting Styles vs. Practices
Parenting practices are strategies undertaken to achieve specific goals. Parenting styles can be permissive, authoritarian, uninvolved, and, the most positive, authoritative. Parents may use different strategies with different children while still practicing the same parenting style. There is flexibility in how we practice good parenting skills. Some parents express warmth and love differently, but just as effectively.
Think about this:
Discuss each of your children and their stage of development. Read "Principles of Parenting" by Neil J. Flinders at https://www.lds.org/ensign/1975/03/principles-of-parenting-part-1?lang=eng&query=parenting. Discuss the counsel given in The Proclamation and set goals to improve some of the "details" in your parenting skills.
Adapting to Children and Youth
Read the popcorn poem and discuss how popcorn can be like people. Have children draw a picture of youth write down what makes them feel loved, or play a game where you toss a beanbag to each other and tell what makes you feel loved.
Discuss times in your family where family members have felt loved. Parents can learn from their children what helps them feel accepted and loved.
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