Our Sacred Duty as Parents

by Craig H. Hart, Lloyd D. Newell, and Julie H. Haupt - Parenting with Love, Limits, and Latitude: Proclamation Principles and Supportive Scholarship

Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness. 

Every parent would like a handbook that comes with their child at birth that gives instructions on how to raise that child.  The Lord has given us commandments, guiding principles, examples in the scriptures, and counsel from living prophets and apostles to assist us in raising our children.

Joseph Smith said, "I teach the people correct principles, and they govern themselves."

President Ezra Taft Benson said, "Usually the Lord gives us the overall objectives to be accomplished and some guidelines to follow, but he expects us to work out most of the details and methods.  The methods and procedures are usually developed through study and prayer and by living so that we can obtain and follow the promptings of the Spirit."

Object Lesson:  

Display a puzzle.  Our goal is to put all the pieces together so we have a finished product.  It doesn't matter how we put it together. One person might start with all the edge pieces while another might focus on putting together a certain item shown on the puzzle.  We might not have to pray and study about how to put a puzzle together like we do about raising a child, but this serves as an example that depending on our talents, personality traits, culture, family structure, living arrangements, and expectations, each of us will go about raising our children differently.


President James E. Faust said, "Child rearing is so individualistic.  Every child is different and unique.  What works with one may not work with another."

Whatever the nature and disposition of a given child, wise parents work to adjust, relate to, and rear each child in a manner that is somewhat tempered to individual needs as parents and children learn from each other (Hart).

In order to promote optimal development and to rear children in love and righteousness, the following are crucial elements for each child, although specific implementations and approaches may be individualized based upon the needs and personality of the particular child:

• Love, warmth, and support
• Clear and reasonable expectations for competent behavior
• Limits and boundaries with some room for negotiation and compromise
• Reasoning and developmentally appropriate consequences and punishments for breaching established limits
• Opportunities to perform competently and make choices
• Absence of coercive, hostile forms of discipline, such as harsh physical punishment, love withdrawal, shaming, and inflicting guilt
• Models of appropriate behavior consistent with self-control, positive values, and positive attitudes

The optimal parenting style for raising children is Authoritative which practices high levels of love and high levels of discipline. It is easy to see from the chart below that when parents exhibit love and discipline at other levels, results are not ideal.

Evaluate the elements that children need for optimal development in the home.  Set a goal to work on any areas that need improvement.  

Adapting to Children and Youth

Each of us has a divine nature and destiny.

President Joseph F. Smith said, "Notwithstanding this fact that our recollection of former things was taken away, the character of our lives in the spirit world has much to do with our disposition, desires, and mentality here in mortal life."

Elder Bruce R. McConkie said, "Being subject to law, and having their agency, all the spirits of men, while yet in the Eternal Presence, develped aptitudes, talents, capacities, and abilities of every sort, kind, and degree.  During the long expanse of life which then was, an infinite variety of talents and abilities came into being."

Activities

Tell each of the children’s day-you-were-born stories. Discuss how you felt as their parent. Do they think they will ever stop being your child?  Explain how parenthood is an eternal calling.  Refer to "Families are Forever--and so is Parenthood" found here.

Have parents and children to reverse roles. Role-play several instances in which the “parents” must counsel their “children” about family rules (such as curfews, Sabbath observance, dress standards). Discuss how it felt to switch roles and how roles will change throughout a person’s life. (Garth and Steve Hanson)